Broken Memories
by DigiExpert
Summary: Aaeru's words bring the pain and images rushing back to her. Now, Neviril tries to escape them so that she can breathe, but finds that's not as easy as it seems.


**So Tekkoshocon was awesome and I had a ton of fun. I also finished a Neviril fic while there, and I think it turned out really well. I had to type it up tonight and edit it and I think it's much better than my original version because I think way too fast to write by hand. My next idea is working on an Aaeru fic, and exploring something I've not seen before. I look forward to working on it and seeing what I can come up with. Knowing me, it'll be as much of a challenge as doing the post-war fics I've worked on.**

**Broken Memories  
**

It had been an evening like any other. Mamiina had cooked another delicious meal, and served everyone personally. Each Sibyllae had gladly thanked her, pleased to have someone who was so capable at cooking. She herself had been enjoying it with the rest of the Sibyllae, save for Aaeru and Morinas, who were both absent. It wasn't uncommon and perhaps they had been caught up in other things to worry with dinner. She laughed at something Paraietta said, smiling. Things were calm and peaceful aboard the Messis, a rare scene. It was better than being called off suddenly to sortie and head to the front or for patrol.

The door burst open, and Aaeru ran inside. Neviril paid the girl no mind, ignoring her. She looked over when Aaeru stepped in front of her, speaking her name to get her attention. She looked, wondering what she could possibly want. She was more than a little surprised to hear the words that tumbled from the girl's mouth, said without hesitation or any regard for decency and decorum. Aaeru looked at her expectantly, as though expecting a positive reply to her question. She heard Paraietta try to interrupt and keep her from speaking anymore on such a delicate subject.

However, it was too late to keep Aaeru from continuing to speak. The damage had been done. Her eyes widened, shocked by the perverse way Aaeru had twisted events until they were nothing more than mere scraps of gossip. How could she do such a thing? She wanted to speak, wanted to reach out and stop Aaeru from speaking, keep her from twisting things anymore. Her brain fired off the message, but she could not move a muscle. Her body began to shake, unable to hide the fear and anger beginning to surface.

_A bust… Amuria and I… the Emerald…a bust…_

Before that could even begin to sink in, Aaeru pressed forward, stating that if Neviril would only attempt the Emerald Ri Majon with her, things would be different. Was she… could she…Did she think that she was better?

"Stop it!"

She heard herself speak, but it was as though she was watching from afar. She heard the crash and splatter of the dinner she had been enjoying moments before, but now that seemed like a lifetime ago. The broken fragments reflected how she suddenly felt inside. The silence in the room was deafening. Had she really commanded it with just those two simple words?

Her whole body shook, images coming back to the front of her mind. They were ones she had tried to push down before. Over and over they played. She no longer saw Aaeru in front of her, who was asking an irrelevant question.

"Because it reminds her of Amuria's death?"

_No… no… she hadn't…she didn't…Amuria…_

Amuria! Instantly, her mouth was closed. She had to escape, had to run. The room suddenly felt too crowded, and she feared she wouldn't be able to breathe if she stayed much longer. Her boots clacked against the hard floor as she pushed past Aaeru and headed out of the cafeteria. Let the others talk; she didn't want to hear what they had to say. She heard the door close behind her and knew immediately that Paraietta had followed her. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, save for escaping. She needed somewhere where she could breathe.

She ducked into one of the many rooms, closing the door behind her, which effectively shut out Paraietta as well. She ignored the pounding, ignored her most trusted friend. Everything seemed too loud, and the images flew past faster and faster. She didn't want Paraietta. She didn't want anyone. She placed her hands over her ears, sliding down the door. _Go away. Please!_ she pleaded with her mind. She could block out the sound, but not the memories. She wanted it all to just…stop.

"Neviril…" She heard her named being called softly. The voice was so familiar, but her sleep addled brain could not match it with a person. It was as though the name was on the tip of her brain. She rolled over, snuggling into the warmth near her side. "Neviril, wake up…" called the voice. Neviril opened her eyes, squinting in the bright sunlight. She pulled away suddenly, shocked at the sight before her.

"A-amuria?" she gasped softly.

"You weren't planning to sleep all day, were you?" teased Amuria. She caressed the side of Neviril's face gently with a finger.

"I…I…Amuria…" she whispered, still in shock. It couldn't be… her heart told her yes while her mind said no. She stuck with her heart, reasoning that it must be right. Shakily, she raised a hand, reaching out to touch Amuria's face, never closing the small distance.

"Are you feeling all right?" asked Amuria, concern creeping into her voice.

"Yes," answered Neviril, finally finding her voice. She lowered her hand as she felt Amuria's arms tighten protectively around her. She was…home. Her hand fell to her side, coming to rest on top of one of Amuria's arms.

"You're going to be late to the temple," reminded Amuria. "Remember, you wanted to pray before giving blessings today." She kissed the top of Neviril's head.

Prayer was the last thing on Neviril's mind at that very moment. Normally, she would have risen from bed and dressed without a moment's hesitation. She knew that Amuria expected her to do just that, knowing how important religion was in her life. "I think… I'd rather stay with you," she replied softly, lightly running her fingers over Amuria's arm. The look on Amuria's face told her all she needed to know.

"Neviril, are you sure you're feeling all right? It's not like you to skip prayer. Don't tell me you're—" Amuria began to release one of her arms, probably to check for a fever.

Neviril cut her off by kissing her firmly on the lips. She could feel Amuria's protests vibrating against her lips, but they were quickly dying down. The arm that had let go of her, wrapped around her once more. Then there was nothing but soft warmth, soft, wet warmth. Neviril was shocked to find that she had forgotten what it was like to kiss another in this fashion, one without ceremony to activate a Simoun. She relished in the feelings and emotions that were seeping back into her body and soul. She touched Amuria's cheek before wrapping that hand around Amuria's neck and pulling her closer. She never wanted the kiss to end and would have rather it continued as long as she would have liked.

Pulling away, Neviril rested her head on Amuria's chest. She listened to the beating heart beneath the fabric of her nightgown. She closed her eyes, focusing solely on the soothing sound. She found herself sinking into darkness, the beating fading. She reached out, hoping to grab it back. Her fingers grasped at air, and the feeling of Amuria continued to fade fast. _No…no…_ she thought, fighting against the darkness.

She surfaced once more, opening her eyes, hoping against all hope that she had merely dozed off for a few minutes. She could not feel the warmth that had been so comforting once before. As her eyes opened and she squinted in the dusty sunlight, her heart sank. She saw not Amuria, but Paraietta, sitting on the edge of her bed. Paraietta looked concerned as she glanced over at her longtime friend.

"Neviril… how do you feel?" she asked.

Neviril sighed softly, closing her eyes. "Please, I would rather not answer." Perhaps she could get back Amuria if she tried.

Paraietta continued to speak, undaunted by Neviril's reply. She opened a window, still continuing, mentioning Aaeru. It was the very last name Neviril wanted to hear. She requested for Paraietta to go, concocting a viable excuse. Paraietta meant well, but she could not help with this.

Sleep… she wanted to sleep. Yet, sleep might mean more memories, more images of Amuria. She sighed, closing her eyes. She tried clearing her mind, erasing any thoughts. Any time she would get close, Aaeru's words came back to her, bringing with them a jolt of pain each time. Sleep eluded her as darkness fell. The memories won the battle, taking her over mind. However, they were not pleasant memories. She was forced to see replay after replay of the failed Emerald Ri Majon, forced to see the soldier's eyes, and forced to hear Amuria's final words, words she had never thought would be the last she ever heard. She saw the kiss, felt the kiss, but it only made her feel empty inside.

"Amuria… is dead."

The words played over and over in her mind. Her mind processed them with a grim finality. It was something she had had yet to acknowledge fully. It left a bitter taste in her mouth. Her partner, her pair, her lover was… dead. She could never have her back, never kiss her again, and never be held in her hers, the place where she felt safe from the world, especially during the times when Amuria spoke of them working to become more powerful, more than just the best pair in all of Simulacrum.

A voice pierced her thoughts. At first she thought she was hearing things, that the voice was part of her memories, teasing and taunting her. Recognition dawned on her as the voice repeated her name again and again. No… it was the last voice she wanted to hear. Her eyes widened as she realized it wasn't only in her head. She turned, blue eyes settling on Aaeru's bright green ones. She sat up quickly as Aaeru scrambled through the open window, her voice cheerful. Neviril pulled the sheets over to herself, scooting against the wall. She wanted to get as far away from Aaeru as possible.

Aaeru continued forward, her mood radiating confidence and positivity. She questioned Neviril's well-being, moving until she climbed onto the bed, resting on her knees. Neviril turned away, refusing to look at her. Aaeru was completely blind to what was going on before her very eyes. All Neviril wanted was for the girl in front of her to leave her be. She could not bring herself to look at her, even after Aaeru asked her to.

As Aaeru spoke, Neviril could not help but be repulsed by the words tumbling from her mouth. Useless memories…how could she claim that was all this room held? Even though it may only be a storeroom, the lives of those who had worked and toiled here still lingered. The boxes themselves held artifacts and relics from another time. Anything could be an important memory to someone. Just because it wasn't useful to Aaeru…

Once again, Aaeru switched topics. She wanted Neviril to join her. It took her a moment to realize that Aaeru was once again referring to the Emerald Ri Majon. The give never gave up. It was as though she was saying she was better than Amuria, and could do it right this time around. Neviril could only picture herself ever doing the Emerald with Amuria and no one else. She would never…

Aaeru's touch on her face brought her back to reality. It was a stark contrast to the girl's usual nature. The girl gently turned her head so that Neviril had to face Aaeru. Before Neviril could push her away, Aaeru's lips were pressing against her own. She noticed that Aaeru's kiss was more than just ceremony. It was as though she was searching for something, something more than Neviril could ever give her. Neviril was frozen to her spot. She did not return Aaeru's kiss, and she did not push Aaeru away. She wanted the kiss merely to end. Her kiss was nothing like Amuria's. Her lips were slightly chapped, and Aaeru didn't know how she wanted to kiss her.

Paraietta turned out to be the perfect solution. As Aaeru was dragged off of her, Neviril sighed with relief inwardly. She felt embarrassed to be caught in such a position. She felt vulnerable, as though Aaeru had done something more despicable than kiss her in such a fashion. She felt drained and exhausted all at once. The idea of sleep was not appealing, but perhaps there she might find solace.

Alone once more, she closed her eyes. Sleep was the only way for her to be with Amuria. At least with sleep, she could hold her just one more time. Before she drifted off, she said a prayer, asking for guidance. She needed someone who might understand her grief and the pain she felt inside. She didn't need protected, and she didn't need a replacement for Amuria. She was uncertain if such a person might exist, but she would leave it to Tempus Spatium to decide.


End file.
